i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
