I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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