State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
