Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
