My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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