My nipple is on Facebook.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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