U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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