True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
