Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
