im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hippo gnu deer
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
