I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
