Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
