Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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