Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
