We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
