I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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