Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
