forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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