had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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