I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
