apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
