i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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