Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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