Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
