she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
