I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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