I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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