I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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