I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
