i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
