Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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