Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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