Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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