Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
