spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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