I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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