No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
