The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
