What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
