i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
