Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
