so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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