so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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