Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
