you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
