I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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