new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
