fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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