Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
