she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
